Nice ‘N Easy

I colored my hair again the other day and wanted to share my expertise.  It’s totally worth it.

1.  Put on your ludicrous clothes.

2.  Get timer, trash bag, book, and drink; say you’re unavailable; endure peals of laughter over your outfit.

3.  Open a window.

4.  Place stained towel near tub.

5.  Cover countertop with plastic sheeting.

6.  Entertain interruption (yes, they forgot).

7.  Remove throw rugs.

8.  Get damp paper towels.  (laughter)

9.   Put on gloves.

10.  For drips, apply conditioner to forehead, ears, and neck.

11.  Put conditioner in shower.

12.  Remove tip from Bottle Q.

13.  Throw it away.

14.  Oh, wait!  DON’T…  Meh!

15.  Remove cap from Bottle V2.

16.  Don’t throw it away.

17.  Oh, wait. You can throw…

18.  No, keep that one.

19.  Whatever.

20.  Pour Q into V2.

21.  Or is it 2 into VQ?

22.  Ah, no big deal: hair grows back.

23.  Cap, cover with thumb, and shake.

24.  Oh, wait! Point bottle away from face!

25.  Wipe drips from forehead, nose, ears, neck, countertop, sink, faucet, floor, wall, and ceiling.

26.  Starting in front, work mixture through hair.

27.  Wipe drips from forehead, nose, ears, neck, countertop, sink, faucet, floor, wall, and ceiling.

28.  Weeping.

29.  Gnashing of teeth.

30.  If there are no Goths in your house, seal extra solution in HazMat container.

31.  OOPS!  Um, we always wanted a black cat anyway…

32.  Loosely pile hair on top of head.

33.  Set timer.

34.  Get comfy.

35.  Wipe drips from forehead, etc.

36.  Entertain next interruption.

37.  Settle down to read your book.

38.  BEEP!

39.  Remove gloves.

40.  Rinse hair with cool water until water runs clear.

41.  Squeeze excess water from hair.

42.  Apply conditioner.

43.  Wait two minutes.

44.  Rinse with cool water.

45.  Spray shower tiles.

46.  Entertain third interruption.

47.  Dry with stained towel.

48.  Put away dishes, book, timer, towels, plastic, garbage, and HazMat.

49.  Hang clothes.

50.  Close window.

51.  Return throw rugs.

52.  Bleach countertop stain.

53.  Apologize for what may have been heard from the back of the house.

54.  When hubby gets home, do not expect him to notice.

55.  Don’t wash your hair tomorrow, or you’ll have to repeat this.

56.  Oh wait.  You can’t for 30 days.

It’s just that easy!  And it’s totally worth it.

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This entry was posted in Keeping up Appearances, Oddities and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Nice ‘N Easy

  1. just me says:

    My mama always said that “Beauty is painful!” I’m getting a painless haircut next week! lol Will have to think about the Nice N Easy thing further! Ha ha ha

  2. elsiephoebe says:

    Yeah, I’m leaning toward the method of a friend of ours:
    Just stay in the shower for the whole hour.

  3. just me says:

    An hour long shower mmmm, love the sound of that! What better way to relax after such an ordeal with the whole mess of coloring the hair 🙂

  4. Kimi says:

    And the name of hair color is Nice ‘N Easy??? Hmmm……..

  5. elsiephoebe says:

    Hey, only the best for me: LOREAL!

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