Conquering the Territory

I own one-half acre of God’s earth.  That should include the dining room, right?  …Evidently not.  Today I fought a small battle over ten square feet.  This battle wasn’t pretty.  Napoleon Bonaparte said, “War is the business of barbarians.”  I sure proved that! He also said, “The battlefield is a scene of constant chaos. The winner will be the one who controls that chaos, both his own and the enemy’s.”  I guess I wasn’t the winner.  (I hope my opponent realizes there was no winner.)

We have three cars: the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Mine’s Number 2.  (Really: it’s Number 2.)  ‘Seems I should get to actually drive it, right? …Evidently not.

The computer I’m on is called Mom’s Computer.  ‘Seems like I should be able to use it whenever I want.  …Nope.

And why do I always end up in the half-bath out in the back 40?

Actually, I have conquered some territory around here: I get the kitchen!  Hmm.  Why IS that?

My favorite Napoleon quote:  “I can no longer obey; I have tasted command, and I cannot give it up.”  YEAH!  But there’s rebellion in the ranks.  When I say, “You’re going to need to move,” rather than moving, the squatter replies with fightin’ words like “I can’t” … “Not right now” … “I need to finish this” …  “But” … “Just a minute” … or my all-time favorite, “[silence]”.  Now, in the squatter’s defense, everyone here knows this is their home. But sometimes I want a pecking order—and just get  …pecked?

I could fight for more territory; let’s face it: clamoring over what I think is mine comes natural: I’m Hawaiian!  (Does that actually mean anything?)

But I’m like many my age: we dream of our heavenly home, complete with hot tub, private suite, and a water closet nobody else uses.  Ever.  Because while here, we share the land with people like Napoleon, who also said, “Women are nothing but machines for producing children.”   Now THEM  is  fightin’ words.

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6 Responses to Conquering the Territory

  1. Tamz says:

    I could do for you what you do for your clients, if you’d like. Haha! e.g. “I own of one-half acre of God’s earth.”

    Don’t get me wrong, you are an amazing writer. I just couldn’t resist making a correction, since I know you are very fond of proper English (and you’re way better at grammar and punctuation than I am… usually). ‘o)

  2. Tamz says:

    “I own of [sic] one-half acre of God’s earth.”

  3. marian says:

    I feel your pain… we must have lived a similar life in a parallel universe. When I shared my home, I was told, “just tell me the rules… it’s your house.” But in reality I got four responses…

    1. “I will do as you ask” and they did! Yahoo!!!
    2. “I will do as you ask” and they did not. 😦
    3. “Is that really a good rule?” (guilt trip included)
    4. “[silence]”

    I wish I had THE answer. It’s hard… hang in there. Of course lots of prayer helps! As the song says… “Take it to the Lord in prayer”.

    Love you!

    • elsiephoebe says:

      Please know I was being funny and edgy with my words, “rebellion in the ranks.” It was not flagrant rebellion; I just want to be Emperor, that’s all. 😉

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