Ten Terribly Terrific Temptations

TEN TERRIBLY TERRIFIC TEMPTATIONS

1.  All lined up across the width of the grocery aisle: cart, child, husband, child, wife.  TTT: “Just a reminder – there are others on earth besides you.  And right now I’m behind you.  And you, and you, and you…”

2.  Person is regaling you with what he / she dreamed about last night—in great detail. TTT:  “Oh. Speaking of dreams… [*closes eyes / starts snoring*]”

3.  Heavy bass coming from some vehicle in the line-up—the kind my daughter said sounds like the earth’s heartbeat.  TTT [c/o Hubby]: Open all the windows and play a very LOUD CD of  …Bagpipes!!

4.  “You never have really liked my cooking, have you?”  TTT:  “NO!  Whew, I am so glad you finally asked! You’re awesome!”

5.   I order and receive a welcome greeting.  Later I make small talk; I get the cold shoulder.  TTT:  “Oh, excuse me.  I forgot they only pay you to talk once to the little people beneath you.”

6.   Walking down the aisle at the discount store, you encounter a Newfoundland. Hidden behind it is presumably the owner.  TTT: “What the B. L. A. N. K. is that giant, filthy animal doing in here?”

7.   Same store, different aisle.  Demonic screaming vermin passing as a human child.  TTT:  [*Drops merchandise and runs, arms flailing:*] “Aaaaa!  Hurry!  Everyone!  Get out while you still can!”

8.   Teenagers are all chillin’ at the other end of the house.  TTT:  [*Plants backside on comfy couch between two of ‘em.*]  “So!!  What movie ‘we watchin’?”

9.   Facebook Status:  “This day has left me dazed and confused.”   TTT:  “What else is new?”

10. Enjoying the sunshine at the beach.  An ill-clad tart walks by your husband.  TTT:  [Got spray paint?]

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2 Responses to Ten Terribly Terrific Temptations

  1. marian says:

    You are too funny Girl!!! I read them to my sis and she was ROFL!!! 😀
    btw… no.s 6, 8 and 10 are my favorites!!!
    Love ya!

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