Elsie’s Rule Book

If I had to live with me, I’d probably be irritated by my little list of rules.  But I don’t live with me, so the list remains:

Rule #1.   Nobody is allowed to tickle me: ever.  I do not understand what in the blazes is so danged funny.  Violate this and you’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’.

Rule #2.   I begin any uncomfortable statement with a preamble.   You not only endure the bad news, but something like, “I don’t think you’re going to like this much.”

Rule #3.   People take care of their own pets.  This includes all bodily fluids and solids, even outside, day or night, 24/7.

Rule #4.   I almost never answer yes-or-no questions.  The person asking doesn’t want the real scoop about me.  They’re either trying to appease their guilt, or are manipulating me, or both.

Rule #5.   Without special arrangements, the kitchen is closed after 8.  Under certain circumstances I might serve ice cream.

Rule #6.   The right sink stays empty; the left only has rinsed dishes.  Evidently this rule is complicated; very few seem to understand it.

Rule #7.   If someone hollers from another room, they will be ignored.  Note, I do not drop what I’m doing to go answer whoever bellowed.  I almost never disobey this rule.

Rule #8.   I don’t get the gas tank filled until absolutely necessary.  I believe this task should be handled by the male gender, but people tell me that’s unreasonable—so I just wait until there’s no chance of somebody else doing it.

Rule #9.   Which reminds me: I do not go to the landfill.  I used to do this job—until my friend said, “That’s no place for a lady.”  (But I guess even she goes to the gas station.)

Rule #10. Socks left inside-out get washed and folded inside-out.  I have only to assume the person likes the pretty design of the inner stitching, so I leave it alone.

Okay, okay:  I’m not painfully dogmatic about any of these rules.  But when somebody forgets one of them, I often play the rule card.  Hey! They were warned!

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4 Responses to Elsie’s Rule Book

  1. Sapphira says:

    Just curious… what’s your reasoning for rule #8?

  2. elsiephoebe says:

    Don’t feel like the Lone Ranger, Sapphira. I’ve discovered nobody else feels like I do about gas stations. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t like it.

  3. Sleepless Mom says:

    I have rule #10 as well, I do need to work on your rule – not responding when someone yells from the other room. I have several that bellow to me from the other rooms. I think most of your rules are quite reasonable, but if you run out of gas and have to walk to get more, you might want to put gas in a little sooner.

  4. elsiephoebe says:

    Very funny. By “necessary” I did mean before running out–which has never happened, thankfully. 😉

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