I’m five-foot-one. This morning I discovered I can use my curling iron while having it plugged into a power line switch—on the floor. I found myself actually giggling: “Not just anybody could do this!” Most of the time I grouse because I can’t reach something; this time I was quite pleased with my five-foot-oneness.
Well, you can imagine where my brain started going: finally, instead of being genuinely cranky about how I’m a foot too short, I considered the many reasons Randy Newman was wrong: Short People ‘got …every reason to live:
1. You can use a curling iron when it’s plugged into the floor.
2. Dust on surfaces higher than five feet becomes invisible.
3. You can load the dryer without bending.
4. You can order trophies in actual size.
5. You can check the weather in the sky without walking to the window.
6. Coffee won’t stunt your growth.
7. Even if two kids are sitting on one half, you can still take a nap on the couch.
8. You can’t look down on people.
9. Nobody has dandruff.
10. You never bump your head on the top bunk. (Or anything, for that matter.)
11. Dogs don’t need to jump up on you.
12. Nobody can accuse you of being high.
13. You understand the personal pain it is to be Prince. Or Princess Fiona.
14. You don’t have to take off your hat at the movies.
15. You can see in the mailbox without doing that weird bend-sideways thing.
16. When somebody says, “Jump,” you don’t have to ask, “How high?”
17. You can be given piggy-back rides well into your 20’s.
18. It’s easy to tell when your family’s bellies are getting hungry.
19. Your hands are close enough to your feet that you can clip your toenails on a crowded bus.
20. If you snap at somebody and they call you on it, you can just say, “I can’t help it; I’m a little short.”