Things In My House That are Creepy

I will now list things about my house that are creepy:

Minor ant problem. On my countertops, which are black with white specs, a scurrying ant looks more like a wavy hallucination.

We have three potties; one opens right up into my mother’s kitchen.  The other two have somebody’s bed on the other side of the door, if you get my drift. 😉

There’s a large contraption in my family room we use as a laundry rack.  I think it’s called a treadmill?

All guests get physically accosted by a 30-pound critter with sharp claws and a ten-inch tongue.

Unlike Aunt Mabel’s house, that smells like apple pie, mine smells like Lysol.  It’s better than the alternative.

Racket in the living room; it sounds like a gigantic, crackling bonfire!  But it’s a plastic water bottle being crunched by that 30-pound critter with a ten-inch tongue.

The roof got done, not so the gutters.  There’s a salesman’s drip out there that’ll put a chill down your back in a New York minute.

There’s a six-foot cabinet loaded to the gills with deer skin/hair, bird feathers, and rabbit faces.  Yes.  I said rabbit faces.

There’s one room with only three pieces of furniture, all the drawers of which duct-taped shut.

I do not recommend snooping in small containers. You might observe what looks a lot like a set of human teeth.

Do NOT under any circumstances touch any laundry or wastebaskets in the hallway.  Ever.

There is a dish of triangular-shaped compressed grain and fish material on my computer printer.

We eat winter squash.

In your sleepy stupor before coffee, you might soak your foot in a bowl of a small amount of lukewarm water that didn’t get lapped up by that ten-inch tongue.

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6 Responses to Things In My House That are Creepy

  1. Lily says:

    FORTY-pound critter with a ten-inch tongue.

  2. Just me says:

    Yep, he’s a growing boy all right! but very sweet indeed! Gotta love the puppy!

  3. Megpie says:

    Why do you have a cabinet with rabbit faces inside it……?

  4. OK, I didn’t get creeped out until I read “There’s a six-foot cabinet loaded to the gills with deer skin/hair, bird feathers, and rabbit faces. Yes. I said rabbit faces.”

    That one wins for creepiness! :-0

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