“I am woman. Hear me roar!”
I unabashedly proclaim that I am a member of the weaker sex.
Okay, okay, I won’t make this an article about whether men or women are weaker. Men have larger muscles and bones, but their cancer and heart statistics are worse. Whatever. I’m a hard worker, and fairly strong for my age and build. But I have yet to encounter a human male over age ten that I can beat at arm wrestling. I’m just saying.
It would be absolutely hilarious if we ever staged a game show in our garage, with Hubby and me as opposing contestants. Some sap with a silver whistle would start a time-clock, and each of us would try our hand at various tasks. It might look something like this:
“Wasn’t it amazing, Ladies and Gentlemen, how quickly Laura untangled those Christmas lights? True, David’s also are no longer in knots, but neither are they in one piece. And Laura completed the task without the use of power tools.”
“The Broken Glass category was hand-down David’s win. Laura just brushed the shards into her callused palms, and blew the rest onto the floor. David was clearly stronger candidate in this race, having brought in two whisk brooms, a dustpan, some baby wipes, and a magnifying glass.”
“A surprising result, Folks, in the race to get the river rock pile wheel-barrowed to the Back 40. Although Laura did several pickup loads of this one summer 10 years ago, she just doesn’t have the strength she used to; this category is a Hubby win.”
“Crazy people, on the other hand, is Laura’s strong suit. She exhibits an avant-garde finesse with these types that one can only attain from first-hand experience. This race proves the old adage: ‘It takes one to know one.’”
“She also did very poorly in the next category, ‘Absence of Chocolate’. She explained later that she would not have been completely obsessed with finding some chocolate if we had conducted the race just 7 days later. Hubby just went to the cupboard for a spoonful of Jif: good to go.”
“Statistics don’t lie, Ladies and Gentlemen: In the Weapon category, Hubby won by default. She would not touch the rifles or the pistols. She conceded the race before it began. We shall now take a short recess while David reloads.”