City “Snickers”

I always think people would like my blog even better if they knew how little time I spend on most of them.  There’s just something hilarious about one-liners injected without aforethought.  Nobody sees it coming, and there it is: BAM! Everybody’s cracking up.  Just for fun, today I’m going to “weblog” a few from this week:

A dear friend of mine is stepping down from an honorable office he’s held for several years.  I made a comment to the effect of, “Yeah, time will tell whether I go back to making jokes about flatulence I’ve been holding back on.”  Without missing a beat, he says, “Wow.  You’ve been holding them in all this time?”

Earlier this week I shared a giggle with my daughter, Lily.  In contemplating how I was going to admonish my mother-in-law with dementia about pounding on the wall the night before, I realized it would not be wise to utter my first idea:  “Waking David up at two in the morning!  What are you? Crazy?”

This morning in Sunday school, the pastor was helping us understand the sovereignty of God.  He mentions the name of a man in our class and asks why he would be picked out of a crowd of other people.  Since this man is 6-foot-4, I answered, “Because he’s in the angels’ flight zone.” [Eh, you had to’ve been there.]

Here’s another you’d like better if you’d been at the Pampered Chef party, hosted by the wife of the guy who installed my new roof:  I told all the ladies, “See these pots and pans?  They’re really good; they catch all the leaks.”  jk

OK: Saving the best for last.  This afternoon, David and I were reviewing square dance moves.  I had an idea for a little quiz: “I’ll call out a square dance move, and you tell me what you would do.”  He wasn’t enthusiastic, but agreed to it.  So I start:  “I’m heading in your direction and the caller says, ‘Do Paso.’  David’s answer:  “A left hook, followed by a solid right.”  I started laughing so hard I had to excuse myself.

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