Green Eggs and Venom

‘Last I heard, the reptile house at the Bronx Zoo is still closed.  There’s a deadly cobra that’s unaccounted for.  Egads.

Oddly, this week I, too, have a snake story.  My beloved husband likes to fish for bass and steelhead in desert rivers.  And I ask you: which creatures slither in the desert?

= – = – =

I need not say, for Goodness’ sakes,

I do not like those rattlesnakes!

I do not like them, David Dear.

I do not like them, there or here.

= – = – =

Would you believe he wears contraptions on his legs to protect against snakebite?  I have a better idea: Fish where the snakes don’t KILL YOU. But in Dave’s book, life without teasing a bass with a fly isn’t worth living.  So, guess what? Now he has a project on my sewing table:

= – = – =

“Will you tweak these snake-leg chaps?

There’s something goofy with the straps.”

“Let me see: On my sewing table,

Your brush with death I’m to enable?”

= – = – =

It’s the age-old question:  If I help him, I’m being an enabler. If I don’t help, he’ll go anyway, and those straps might slip.  It’s a Lose-Lose situation!

= – = – =

Oh, what to do on that sewing machine?

To refuse to help would just be mean.

I guess I’ll do it, but I’ll still vent—

I do not like this predicament.

= – = – =

But I’ve decided, Ahh, whatever.  It’s not like I’m calling in sick for him while he tosses back Jack Daniels.  I think I can deal with helping him enjoy one of the few passions the guy has in life.  Besides: he “never provokes the snakes.”  Oh, that’s a relief.

= – = – =

It leaves me feeling afraid and hollow:

They can strike faster than the eye can follow.

I think anti-venom is money well spent:

It reduces the risk to four percent.

= – = – =

Here’s another little factoid that might surprise some of you:  I’ve actually eaten snake meat before.  Maybe that’s why I’m afraid to go to the desert:

= – = – =

Because I partook of snake that night,

I’m doubly prone to rattler bite.

I cannot walk without a twinge:

He’s out there waiting for sweet revenge.

= – = – =


This entry was posted in Ditties, Oddities and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Green Eggs and Venom

  1. Tamz says:

    Ok, you REALLY ought to submit this to Fly Fishing the West magazine or Desert News, or Snake Weekly, or SOMETHING!

  2. Tamz says:

    Oops… ROFL.

  3. Justme says:

    Love this post! Missing you all too! :/

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