HOW TO GET OUT OF…
…BED. Roll to the floor, being sure to land on your head.
…A CAR HANGING OFF A CLIFF. Set the brake. Open the windows. Turn off the ignition. Unbuckle. Unlock the doors. Move in planned unison. And kiss your bootie good-bye.
…DEBT. Quit buying stuff, Stupid. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzE76nUSjL8&feature=related
…COOKING DINNER. This is a no-brainer.
…PHONE CONTRACT. It goes on your ear, but you’ll still have to pay through the nose.
…A BAD MOOD. Find a dog. Hug the dog.
…THE JUDGMENT YOU DESERVE. Repent and trust in Jesus.
…JURY DUTY. Be under 18, over 70, disabled, an elected Fed, a soldier, a criminal, an illegal, or dead.
…THE HOSPITAL ALIVE. Don’t go in.
…A GANG. Shirt. Tie. Penny Loafers. See also “The Hospital Alive” above.
…GOING PLACES WITH YOUR SPOUSE. Why are you asking this, you Jerk?
…A SLUMP. Exercise. Or, eat chocolate, have a good cry, and get over yourself.
…THE ARMY. Fill out this form. If it doesn’t work, fill out this one. If that doesn’t work…
…A TIMESHARE. It’s easier to get out of the army.
…DODGE. Enlist a friend to find you a deal. Be sure it’s somebody you like, because you have to invite them, too.
…A RICK ROLL. Why would you want to? But here it is: http://www.johnchow.com/how-to-get-out-of-a-rick-roll/
…THE DOGHOUSE. Put your tail between your legs and beg.
…A DINNER INVITATION. Two items needed: Face cream and green food coloring.
…A LEASE. It’s easier to get out of the army.
…YOUR OWN WAY. Move over, Dummy.
…A SPEEDING TICKET. Sit up straight. Use the word, “Officer.” Plead ignorance. And kiss your hundred good-bye.