My A. M. Workout

Mornings around here  / Have a story to tell:

At the end of the hall / There’s a square, padded cell.

= – =

Once Hubby’s out the door, / I then prepare a tray:

Bran and some yogurt, / And a nice prune puree.

= – =

Every single time, / Before I go near,

I pony my hair / And put on a brassiere.

You see how it is, / My precarious plight:

Her pull is so hard, / And her pinch is so tight!

= – =

Before I venture in /And face what’s in there,

I buck up with coffee /And say a quick prayer.

= – =

I greet her, check the heater, / And before it gets rough,

I get diaper, wipes, garments, / Sheets, and other stuff.

To be sure that no awful / Catastrophe occurs,

It’s all within my reach, / But well out of hers.

= – =

I move the barrier / Away from her side,

And wrestle off her tunic, / Rolling left and right.

And then the diaper process, /And her tunic to zip

–or button in the back: / Because she tends to strip.

= – =

I must change the linens / Because they’re daily wet;

One cotton and two rubber: / I sometimes break a sweat.

= – =

This is good a time as any / If this is bath day,

And then I check her feet / (Look, but don’t hold my gaze).

Treat owwies, comb her hair, / Wash her eyes, ears, and nose,

Then barricade her up, / And to the kitchen I go.

= – =

I get out some Ensure, / And shake well the can,

And add a little of that / And some milk to the bran.

Nuke 30 seconds / (Not worried about tumors).

Set up her special chair, / And try to get into good humor.

= – =

The only communication / Effie knows is a smile,

So I put on a nice one— / We’re gonna be there awhile.

= – =

I insert her dentures / (First, I pull out her thumb)

And place a towel on her lap / To catch dribbles and crumbs.

Then I say grace / (And I really mean it),

And start giving her bites, / Holding her head up if needed.

= – =

I tell her the news— / All she does is repeat—

Does she understand anything? / Maybe sometimes? I think?

Then people in the other room, / Working or sitting,

Just might hear me bark, / “No hitting! … No spitting!”

= – =

When she’s finished her cereal, / Puree and yogurt slurp,

I give her another minute: / (Can this woman burp!)

= – =

Since Yours Truly gets queasy / With any gooey surprise,

Before removing dentures, / I squinty-close my eyes.

With her choppers I’ve become / Quite heartily well-versed:

I found I don’t get bitten / If I remove the uppers first!

= – =

I give her a soft blankie, / She needs no more assistance

But to rebuild that crib, / With nothing in reaching distance.

= – =

Close the curtain, dim the lights, / Rinse the teeth, start the wash,

Better hurry and knock out a blog; / It’s almost time for lunch!



This entry was posted in AAA Laura's Favorites :), Caregiver, Ditties and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to My A. M. Workout

  1. Tamz says:

    Thank you so much for this humorous, heart-wrenching, honest look into your care giving. May the Lord continue to equip you and give you grace and strength physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

    And…. send this thing to some care giving magazine, for pete’s sake!! You are an amazing lyricist!!

  2. marian says:

    Ditto on what Tami said! Both on the prayer for you and sending this in… it will be an encouragement and blessing to all who read it. God bless you Sweetie!!! Hugs!

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