They Partied Without Me

They threw Oprah Winfrey a surprise (yeah, as IF) good-bye bash; guests included names so big you need only one: Stevie, Aretha, Will & Jada, Usher, Halle, Madonna, Beyoncé, Dakota, and Maya; Shriver, Jordan, Groban, LaBelle, Legend, Foxx, Seinfeld.  Also there, among a few others, were Toms Hanks and Cruise, and Queens Latifah and Angelou.

My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail.

It seems they invited anyone who’s anyone.  Well, except for the sweetness:  conspicuously absent were Depp, DiCaprio, Pitt, Downey, and Bale.  And why no Gaga?  Why no Bieber?  I guess they would have upstaged Oprah.

That would be bad.

Scrolling online through these “candid” gala photos, one sees a common thread:  “We’re all having an expensive, well-dressed, grand time—while all you saps that made us rich live vicariously from your pathetic 3-bedroom/2-bath.

During the 25 years Oprah was on TV, I was just a little bit busy; I think I caught a few shows in the early 90’s.

‘Not sure I missed much.

In the giant scheme of things, I don’t think missing Oprah or Maury left too great a gap in my cultural education.  Oh, yeah, that’s where my invitation went!  Into the Round Republican file!

Oprah’s rags-to-riches story does pull at the heartstrings.  Her unmarried mother named her after a Biblical character but misspelled it.  One can only guess whether the Mississippi native would have become a multi-media mogul, the first black billionaire, had she had the name …Orpah.

But I’m not bitter.  (Actually, I’m not.)

This is a good point to close by redirecting our attentions away from the bling.  Let’s tip our hats and say a prayer for the unsung celebrities that cover the earth: from tornado and tsunami victims, to missionaries in China, to soldiers fighting the war on terror, to all us saps watching from our pathetic 3-bedroom/2-bath.

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