Did you hear about the Alzheimer’s protest march?
“What do we want?”
“We don’t know!”
“When do we want it?”
This week, David’s elderly mom seems a tad better; some brain tangles have maybe loosened (temporarily?). A partial reprieve. Whew.
How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side.
She snapped six months ago; for the last three, her behavior has been very animalistic. Right now, though, she’s tame. She seems a little more connected, but David and I have a running debate on how much she understands. We both agree on one thing: it’s not much.
What’s Jewish Alzheimer’s Disease?
It’s when you forget everything but the guilt.
Eureka! Yesterday I leaped over another hurdle. I’ve solved the problem of loose-fitting undergarments = daily tackling of super-tight bed liners + laundry. Forgive me for putting into your head this mental picture: a bony 83-year-old in a girls’ neon floral swimsuit. (Don’t kid yourself: YOU LOVE IT.)
An elderly man walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous much younger woman sitting on her own. He walks over, sits next to her and says: “Do I come here often?
Hey: if necessity is the mother of invention, call me Thomas Edison. A friend said I should make a list of tips. That’s a good thought. I dare say others are no different from me: they’ll eventually figure things out! But maybe a list of tips could spare them some snags and avert some trouble.
I was in the shopping center when a man approached me, collecting for Alzheimer’s. I told him, “Take off! I’ve already given, don’t you remember?
Okay, by Request, a Bonus Today:
Diaper Kit, Bath Kit, Feeding Kit, First-aid Kit
Old pill bottle is a great food chopper.
Wrap patient loosely in a sheet to control limbs.
Patients that choke on beverages don’t need “Thick-it”: spoon-feed a fruit/water mixture.
Keep on hand blender purees: chicken, peaches, prunes.
Also serve noodles, yogurt, pudding, flavored applesauce, mashed soft leftovers.
Take dentures out when unused: uppers first, finger between lip and gum; for lowers, finger goes inside gum.
Make un-strippable tunic by sewing pants to a button-up shirt (backwards).
Ultra-tight bed liner, then rubber flat, then fitted sheet
Bathing always same order: Upper, Lower, Change bed, Hair, Pelvic
One-piece bathing suit keeps loose diaper in place.
Wears a “Snuggie” when in main house
Fireplace screen around feet when dog’s around
Avoid having a hospital bed by using a TV Pillow.