In “The Sound of Music”, Maria sings “My Favorite Things”, a diversion for little ones spooked by a rainy night.
This song has always bothered me.
Raindrops on roses means only this: Hello! It’s raining!
Whiskers on kittens are the most irritating part of the animal. When I schmooze with my feline, I avoid whiskers!
Bright copper kettles are only kept that way with a lot of elbow grease, and woolen mittens itch like nobody’s business.
Brown paper packages – well, that could be just about anything these days: No Thank You.
Cream colored ponies just show the dirt, and if an apple strudel is crisp, I say it’s over-cooked.
Doorbells? Who likes those? Sleigh bells? Well, yeah, those are pretty good. Even if that means it’s freezing.
But even the sound of schnitzel with noodles nauseates me.
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings? What the heck is that? A cheap rhyme for the next line: “These are a few of my favorite things.”
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes: kind of a nice thought, I guess—but out of everything on the planet, not one of my top ten. Sashes: another cheap rhyme for the next line, but yeah, it’s awesome: “Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes”—quite possibly the best line in a children’s song ever, second only to “Talk about your childhood wishes: You can even eat the dishes.”
Well, I confess—I’m also on board with the thought of “silver white winters that melt into springs.” As a self-proclaimed lyricist, I’d wager they built the rest of this ditty around this stanza.
Then we come to the big finish, which—for my money—undermines all the cheering up that may have occurred: Dog bites? Bee stings? Feeling sad? Way to bring on the nightmares, Maria!
Before I bid you Auf wiedersehen, I must follow up this cruel critique with the outright redeeming quality about this quirky little song.
It was sung by Julie Andrews.
End of story.