Thick and Tired of It

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Yesterday I went back on the wagon. (The diet wagon.)  Today I burned over a thousand calories shoveling rock. ‘Looks like I’m on my way back out of my momma-pants.
—–  The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it. –Jackie Gleason

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Denial is not just a river in Egypt:  it’s me, thinking I’ve been at my goal weight more than a collective five minutes in five years.

—–  My wife is a light eater. As soon as it’s light, she starts to eat. –Henny Youngman

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Every year, I lose 20 pounds.  (It’s true.)  Some years, however, I start out by gaining 30.  This year, I think the months were longer.

—–  When you’re on a diet, remind yourself that it’s not the minutes spent at the table eating that put on weight, it’s the seconds.

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For me to get serious about taking some weight off there has to be a motivation outside of myself.  This time it was that appointment to see if I had strep.  They had to get the large blood pressure cuff.  And I’m borderline.

—–  My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. –Orson Welles

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As reluctant as I often am to bypass the snacks, once I get my head on straight I usually do pretty well.  It’s just like anything, really: daunting until you get started.  At the restaurant this morning, the dessert display actually looked nasty.  Easy Peasy, Nice and Cheesy!  (Mmm. Cheese.)

—–  A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.

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I’ve tried ‘em all: calorie counting, lo-carb, eat-nothing-white…  This time we’re going with what I’m calling the “S” diet: “S-top, S-nacking, S-tupid: or S-oon you’ll be S-ittin’ on a S-cooter!”

—–  One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike: If you’re thin, don’t eat fast. If you’re fat, don’t eat – FAST.

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