P.M.S. (Click. …If you DARE.)

“Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!” 

Uh, oh, Mom’s throwing the Stainless again.

Hi.  My name’s Laura.  And I’m hormonal.

I don’t take it out on humans. (Maybe the occasional cat.)  But yes, I do, from time to time, take out my stress out on a defenseless hairbrush, coffee table, or garbage can.

It sneaks up on me.  At first I don’t even realize why my hackles are raised over the stupid, empty paper towel rack.  But after a few minutes of, “Seriously? Is EVERYTHING made of cheap plastic?!!” – bouncing off the walls like I’m riding the Scrambler, I pause:

“O. … Wow. … [mental calculation] … Yup.”

Wiki:  “More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and unhappiness.”

Are they kidding?  Two hundred symptoms?  Here are a few:  muscle pain, headache, fatigue, mood swings….  Heck with menses, this is just 5 o’clock!


HEY!  IT’S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The article continued that high caffeine intake can contribute to it.  (I’m really glad right now I decided against this morning’s Facebook status:  “It’s a 2-pot Day.”


It also said I could be deficient in vitamins and minerals.

I knew this diet was a bad idea.


Now, don’t get me wrong: I’ve heard horror stories of women tearing magazines in half.  [Yikes.]  Our mags are intact.  (My husband collects fly-tying periodicals.  If I started that business, we’d have a whole new set of problems.)  I just get a slowly-accumulating, tight angst that feels like tightening coils; I can feel my blood pressure rising, and gradually it starts spewing out the large, fleshy orifice directly beneath my Cupid’s bow.

I am very careful these days; otherwise, this stuff gives a whole new meaning to, “The devil made me do it.”

One final note — Supposedly, PMS is twice as likely if you’re an identical twin.  I’d like to know how they figured that out.  Some newscaster…   “Two blonde teenagers found hanging upside-down in a backyard cherry tree; story at eleven.”


This entry was posted in AAA Laura's Favorites :), Mind Matters, Oddities, Relationships, Self-confrontation and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to P.M.S. (Click. …If you DARE.)

  1. Naphtali says:

    I hear you. Whatever symptoms came with PMS or Menapause I had them and created some of my own. I sympathize.

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