“Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!”
Uh, oh, Mom’s throwing the Stainless again.
Hi. My name’s Laura. And I’m hormonal.
I don’t take it out on humans. (Maybe the occasional cat.) But yes, I do, from time to time, take out my stress out on a defenseless hairbrush, coffee table, or garbage can.
It sneaks up on me. At first I don’t even realize why my hackles are raised over the stupid, empty paper towel rack. But after a few minutes of, “Seriously? Is EVERYTHING made of cheap plastic?!!” – bouncing off the walls like I’m riding the Scrambler, I pause:
“O. … Wow. … [mental calculation] … Yup.”
Wiki: “More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and unhappiness.”
Are they kidding? Two hundred symptoms? Here are a few: muscle pain, headache, fatigue, mood swings…. Heck with menses, this is just 5 o’clock!
HEY! IT’S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The article continued that high caffeine intake can contribute to it. (I’m really glad right now I decided against this morning’s Facebook status: “It’s a 2-pot Day.”
It also said I could be deficient in vitamins and minerals.
I knew this diet was a bad idea.
Now, don’t get me wrong: I’ve heard horror stories of women tearing magazines in half. [Yikes.] Our mags are intact. (My husband collects fly-tying periodicals. If I started that business, we’d have a whole new set of problems.) I just get a slowly-accumulating, tight angst that feels like tightening coils; I can feel my blood pressure rising, and gradually it starts spewing out the large, fleshy orifice directly beneath my Cupid’s bow.
I am very careful these days; otherwise, this stuff gives a whole new meaning to, “The devil made me do it.”
One final note — Supposedly, PMS is twice as likely if you’re an identical twin. I’d like to know how they figured that out. Some newscaster… “Two blonde teenagers found hanging upside-down in a backyard cherry tree; story at eleven.”