If… you finally remembered there’s cottage cheese in the fridge, you should join the millions—who don’t buy cottage cheese.
If… your writing muse beats you over the head, and you feel like Peter Pan abused by Tinker Bell—don’t quit your day job.
If… the gatekeeper at the square dance does more than take your five-spot; there’s a bowl of peppermints—take one!
If… you’re driving solo, and your passenger seatbelt indicator starts blinking—your purse has too much junk in it, Honey.
If… the breakfast waitress thinks she knows your standing order, and that sticks in your craw—decide for yourself: How important is your craw?
If… the scale you stand on seems to be stuck, and you throw it into the bathtub—you should consider leaving it there.
If… that kid at the bowling alley takes too long in the Pro Shop, while you’re waiting… >_< —think about how much he’s making an hour.
If… your family hasn’t visited you lately, it’s been twice as long as usual, for whatever reason—buy some chicken and pick up the phone.
If… the home ministry coordinator sends out an email, and it’s for an unlovely little job—try to restrain yourself from automatically hitting “Delete”.
If… your friend is led by God Almighty to make you the recipient of blessing, and it’s not going to cost her a lot—don’t be a martyr: ENJOY.
If… you find yourself saying the inimitable words, “We’re all friends here; this is where I can say anything; Right?” – Don’t.
If… the potluck is all potatoes, pasta, and cake, and you’re 40 pounds from cute—remember: at home you’ve got some old cottage cheese.