Monkey Business

Apologies to Popp, Cour, Blackburn, and Mauriat

= – =
Blue, blue, she’s feeling blue:
The monkey swings from a vine or two.
She’s funny to watch as she flings her poo!
With her flattened nose
And her bugged out eyes
She’s guarding that tree; she’s watching you.
= – =
Brown, brown, she’s a comical clown!
She climbs cleverly up, and slides smoothly down.
She screams and squawks, then finally frowns:
“Whatcha lookin’ at, Dude?
This is my house!
Anyway, don’t you belong downtown?”
= – =
Gray, gray, there is no way
To exit the cage, so she’ll have to stay.
She chatters and hisses, pretending to play,
Fabricating stories
In 20 different sounds,
She’s a madcap, adept pitcher: there’s heck to pay!
= – =
Clear, clear, her path is clear:
Maximizing her fingers and giant ears.
But we keep visiting her, year after year.
It’s rather disturbing,
That orneriness lurking,
I’m just glad she can’t get too near.
= – =
Green, green, that tree is green:
She hides up inside so as not to be seen.
She covers her face in the palm-leaf screen.
She’s having fun
As she preens her young,
Keeping the pesky little varmints somewhat clean.
= – =
White, white, she picks lice and mites;
But they’re way too small for her appetite.
She eats it anyway; it tastes alright.
She offers you some,
And you take one:
“Tastes like chicken.”  (Bleh! Yeah, right.)
= – =
Red, red, she scratches her head:
Hiding her secrets buried deep in her bed. 
She’s a sneaky little monkey; that can be said!
She’s a thief and a prankster,
A regular gangster:
Stay tuned for what surprises just lie ahead.
= – =
Black, black, she’s on the attack.
Her hair stands on end as the others, she whacks.
She’s mean and her fingers can reach through the cracks!
A naughty little imp,
This hairy little chimp,
But I’m just sayin’: ‘Better watch your back.
= – =
Tan, tan, she’s in no way a man.
We didn’t evolve: by God we began.
I don’t claim to be part of her lunatic clan!
She’s incredibly dumb,
No opposable thumbs,
Though she can’t catch the flu in her 20-year span.
= – =
Teal, teal, is this creature for real?
She runs across branches: what is the deal?
And, except for Curious George, what’s the appeal?
Those gangly arms
And long, squirrelly tail,
Oblivious, as she swings, of how you might feel.
= – =
Pink, pink, wow, she sure does stink!
There’s a reason for that, I wonder and think,
Because she does nasty things in the sink!
She’s dirty and shabby,
Probably scabby,
I can only endure the place for barely a blink.
= – =
Yellow, yellow, she’ll never be mellow.
She screeches and bangs and continually bellows;
She wants to oversee every visiting fellow.
As everyone knows,
She peels bananas with her toes,
But that doesn’t make up for such audacity: Hello!
= – =
Gold, gold, she has a habit I’m told,
Of grinning and tugging her lip—so brash and bold!
(It seems to me that will make her look old.)
Though they have cute sneezes,
They carry lots of diseases,
And they’re highly destructive if uncontrolled!
= – =
Grape, grape, a monkey’s not an ape.
But who really cares? They’re all the same shape.
They still wreak havoc, getting into their scrapes.
They’re major mischief makers,
And outrageous takers:
Make a fast getaway while you can still escape!
= – =
Navy, navy, she’s cute, but just maybe,
She’d be hard-pressed to ever be lady:
The truth is she’s crass and destructive, Baby!
She runs a campaign;
Her ignorance is plain:
The damage in her wake is (at the very least) shady.
= – =
Pearl, pearl, what in the world
Does she hope to accomplish as she continues this whirl?
Her antics, like her tail, could make your toenails curl.
She loses every battle;
Her messes are a hassle.
And like the Emperor, she’s a naked, exposed girl.
= – =
Coral, coral, what is the moral?
Of the skinny, busy monkey hiding among the laurel?
Why describe capuchins in this little choral?
Though we’re not related,
It simply must be stated:
Our activities are similar—only ours are immoral!
= – =


This entry was posted in Ditties, Keeping up Appearances, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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