Don’t Bury Me in That Dress

 

Don’t bury me in that dress.  If I never wore it when I was alive, why would I want it to be the last thing I’m seen in?  (Do you really know me at all?)

Don’t buy me trinkets.  Look around my house.  Do you see trinkets?  No.  Don’t buy them for me.  (They require dusting, and I wish I just had the three bucks.)

Don’t say, “Is there anything I can help you with?”  Every time you’ve asked that, I’ve said, “No; I’m fine.”  (I’ve never meant it, but that’s beside the point.)

Don’t plan a high-class, cosmopolitan event.  I’m a country bumpkin, in case you haven’t noticed.  (Give such extravagance to the tattooed girl on Facebook.)

Don’t comment about my hair.  I was given amazing hair that I don’t appreciate.  (If you compliment, I’ll figure you thought every other day was a wash.  [Pardon the pun.])

Don’t expect me to remember… well, pretty much anything.  I usually do remember, but don’t expect it.  (I got distracted.  What were we talking about?)

Don’t ask me how it’s going.  First of all, I don’t know what “it” is; secondly, people don’t ask wanting an answer.  (They might as well be asking, “How are your bowels on a scale of 1 to 10?”)

Don’t tell me how to take care of my [whatever].  Especially advice from on the Internet.  (I already know that if I bathe in Apple Cider Vinegar, someone will steal my kidney.)

Don’t talk about me to others.  Since I love hearing about myself, I like being present for such discussions.  (Let’s do that!)

Don’t forget about me.  For all these listed do’s and don’ts, I’m thrilled that you’re here.  (Really, I am.  Let’s remember each other, shall we?)

Don’t bury me in that dress.  ‘Just sayin.’

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This entry was posted in Oddities, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Don’t Bury Me in That Dress

  1. Toni says:

    I will ALWAYS remember you, Laura. (Fondly, of course)

  2. hubband says:

    You sure do write some funny blogs (ha ha funny) dear.
    This one could be used by a standup comedian.

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